The Energies They Bring

Photo credit: Chungkuk Bae

More than ever before we’re realising just how ‘trigger happy’ we are. Whether we like it or not, we’re all reactionary beings, bouncing off the energies we bring into each other’s space. And it’s time we start getting to know people on an ‘energy transaction’ level, knowing what they give and take from us. What they trigger in us.

Start learning to become aware of how much you’re taking on that’s not yours. If you’re feeling all chilled and blissed out until a certain someone walks into the room, acknowledge to yourself that this isn’t ‘your stuff’, that something about that person took you out of your centre.

When that happens, remove yourself from the environment (if you can). This is something that autistic people do so naturally, they get themselves as far away as possible from that frequency range. And when you’re out of that frequency range, you can calm down, centre yourself, and do a little introspection.

Especially if this is a recurring theme, ask yourself what the energy exchange is between you two. Sometimes you’re dealing with a person who is so full of pent up anger that all they want to do is rage and vent … and if you’re the vessel they’re venting into, no wonder your chilled vibes become all whacked out of shape.

But it’s not always an obvious or a negative exchange that can pull you out of your centre. Think of it this way: when people come into your space to get your attention, they’re coming in with an expectation. It can be an uncomfortable energy when they come in with expectations – even if it’s just to have a good laugh or a quick chat – because you may not be in the space to give any of that right now.

Your natural instinct will always look for a balance, and if it senses it’s not getting a balance of give and take, that’s when it goes I can’t do this right now. Listen to that guidance.

An unbalanced energy exchange – and especially a negative one – will only ever trigger you, fluster you, and drain you. But the good news is that by becoming aware of that, you start to empower yourself with choices.

If you don’t need or want that person in your life anymore, you have a choice to let them go. If you’re stuck with that person for now, or if you really do love and want them in your life, you have other options.

You can, for starters, prepare yourself for the energy transaction before you go into it. Do you want to do this? Do you have to do it? Is it worth doing it? Because when you consciously agree to it, you’re acknowledging to yourself that you know what you’re getting into, and that awareness, that internal agreement, helps you recalibrate after the exchange much faster.

But you also need to learn to say no.

There comes a point where the warrior within you has a very specific function. Like when it comes to establishing your boundaries. So search your heart for where your boundaries with this person need to be. And then bring in your inner warrior to set those boundaries.

It’s not always easy, and it can be uncomfortable at first, but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do for yourself here. Otherwise you’ll both just keep blindly pulling in different directions, or even worse, keep infecting each other with negative emotions. Often without even realising it.

You have other choices too. Remember that you can use these opportunities to clear the air. It’s okay to say, ‘If you want to be in my company, you need to be okay with where I am right now, even if that’s not the space you want me to be in. So I might not be feeling particularly social, or upbeat, or feel like entertaining or cooking, or whatever, but this is where I am right now.

You don’t need to be aggressive about it, just be clear that you’re not in the space to give right now. Because you’re totally allowed to be in whatever space you’re in at this moment.

Or even just, ‘I can’t have this conversation with you right now because I don’t have the energy to really be there for you. But I can make time for you when I’m in a better space. And I’ll be ready for you then.’

Because you’re allowed that too.

And as often as you can, give yourself the chance to get a sense of yourself without other people’s energies bouncing off you. A chance to detox. To come back to your full self. And the more we do this, the more we become the pendulums, slowly finding our own natural harmonic motions with each other.

It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be triggered, it just means that you are willing to see the triggers, willing to work on them, and willing to creating a healthier environment for everybody in your space, no matter what energy they bring.

Read next: You Don’t Abandon Someone You Love (rubbish!)

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Natasha van Zyl AKA Jellybean
Natasha van Zyl AKA Jellybean is a behavioural change therapist who happens to be classified as autistic, AdHd, dyslexic and bipolar. But determined to share the love that overflows from her heart for other people, she has worked with families with special needs children, and learned about the grace of love, acceptance and the bonds that grow between people when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. She offers guidance and healing for matters of the heart, relationships, and emotional turmoil.