I never used to want kids, until I suddenly did. But even then it was an intellectual urge, not a biological one … there was no ticking clock, only a ticking in my brain that echoed thoughts like you’ll regret it when you’re older and it’s too late, and but what else will you do with your time that’s more important anyway?
And then suddenly there I was – pregnant and panicking. I had a horrible time with non-stop nausea, backache, and feeling so hot that in the middle of winter I was wearing my coolest summer clothes and still spending my days red-faced and sweating.
But all this time it was still an abstract idea – becoming a mom. Even my daughter’s birth was so surreal that it took a while to marry the ideas in my head … I now have a baby, therefore I am a mother.
She is now 10 years old and over the past decade I have experienced a few things that I consider the true moments of mom-making:
• During the first few weeks, after middle of the night feedings, I would just hold her against my chest as she was nodding back off to sleep. In the dead quiet of the dark early morning, with just the two of us, that was when it all felt ok.
• Poop, poop, and more poop! As a mom you become immune to it, as it is suddenly a real constant in your life. First it’s all the nappies, then it’s toilet training … now my daughter is obsessed with the poop emoji. A little while ago things weren’t ‘moving’ like they should and I had to go into the bathroom with her and hold her hand while she cried, trying to execute the old ‘number 2’. Yup – definitely felt like a mom that day.
• The old ‘kiss it better’ trick for wounds … who knew, it really works (but only when mom does it).
• We were once at a restaurant and she didn’t like the food she had just put into her mouth, so she just grabbed my hand and spat it out into it. One of the less pleasant but more amusing mom moments.
• I can also use my hand to take a temperature – no thermometer needed!
• Being a mom means constant anxiety. You worry when they go to a friend or to school, when they go in the car with someone else (sometimes even in the car with you), at the park when they’re on that big jungle gym … it’s endless and I can’t see it ever going away. But I also can’t imagine life without it now.
It’s been a rollercoaster ride of note … and now I have to get ready for puberty – yikes!
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