The Softening

Photo credit: Julia Caesar

There’s your inner world. And then there’s everything else that you think should be happening. And I’m learning (all over again), that there’s something exquisitely magical about softening into your inner world.

Especially after struggling through a storm of repeatedly bullying yourself into tiny little corners. You know, like: You will do this, you will do that, you will stop this, you will stop that, you will blah, blah, blah, blah.

We can be hardcore taskmasters. I know I was. But I was also failing miserably – both ‘as the ‘master’ and as the student. Even though I was trying to do the best things for myself, things that would make me healthier, more free, more me, I just couldn’t whip my own ass into line. No matter how loudly I barked the orders.

Until I softened.

It was when a little symbol suddenly appeared in my mind, a little ‘pause and yield’ symbol that I ended up plastering all over my house, making deals with myself that every time I saw one of these symbols (which was often!), I would pause (even if it was just a few moments) and yield. And I did. I would stop. No matter what I was hurrying to do. And I would completely submit, accepting every difficulty, every challenge as the highest and most beautiful blessing ever, and I would honour it with every glimmer of love I could genuinely feel for it in my heart.

And after doing this for a few days I somehow started approaching each day with a playful curiosity rather than resentment at my own failures and shortcomings. I started opening more and more to inner guidance. And I started following that inner guidance.

So instinctively, when emotions like anger or impatience came up, I learnt how to play with that emotion until I softened it, rounding her edges till her wings curled out like a newborn butterfly’s.

I learnt that I could soften her centre staying with her, by listening. Asking her what she had to say. Because every emotion has something to say … that’s why she’s here.

And I would listen and I would thank her. I honoured that emotion with love and acceptance and then I allowed her to pass through me, beautifully and fully present in this moment.

I learnt that softening is not weakness. Softening is strength. A very powerful strength.

When I softened into my inner world and worked with the flow instead of against it, when I acted in love and not out of anger, things just magically started happening all on their own … healing, flourishing, becoming …

… and suddenly I found myself in higher places.

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