God this year has been a rollercoaster ride. Okay, not-okay, tumbling from heights to depths at dizzying speeds. And the way things were are just not there anymore. The planes have shifted.
Like lately I’ve been doing all the right things for my mental health, my spiritual heath, my physical health, but sometimes it still feels like I’m wading through a heroine-drenched mud bath, tired and depressed and utterly bone-weary.
Because now it’s more than just us.
This is a time where our own inner worlds and our personal realities no longer feel like cocoons, but expanded experiences that release and absorb and release and absorb again and again in the greater ebb and flow of the universal dance.
And try as I might, I just can’t close myself off from it anymore. I can’t isolate myself like I used to, because it’s not just about me anymore, it’s not just about my state or my energies, it’s also about all the other crazy stuff going on around me that I may not see but I can no longer escape.
I was forced to pay attention when every time I felt out of whack for no reason, suddenly tired or depressed or plagued by intense headaches or feeling oddly disconnected, so many others were going through the exact same thing.
People who’d never been fatigued before were suddenly wading through that heroine-drenched mud bath right along with me. People who had always been grounded and together were starting to lose their shit too. Even my fur-babies started acting loopy on the very same days that I feel like my mind was sliding down the walls.
And more than that, every single time I felt out of whack for no reason, suddenly tired or depressed or just plain crap, my boyfriend would point out that solar flares were active. Every. Single. Time.
Eventually I had to accept that these explosions from the sun, these bursts of radiation that I couldn’t even see, were actually affecting my own electromagnetic field, actually affecting me.
One week, when I confessed to a friend that my energies were suddenly all over the place, that so many old issues were resurfacing, that I was suddenly in a lot of pain, she pointed out that we were approaching something called the 11 11 Portal … the 11th day of the 11th month, a time of intense energy activations, and when I googled 11 11 portal symptoms, I found a carbon copy match for what I was going through.
And again, I had to acknowledge that there was more than just me at play.
And then there are the energies of other people. More and more I’m being affected by other people’s energies. I’ve started seeing how some people almost seem to pick up their energies and take them home with them when they leave my space, a little like people cleaning up around them after a picnic and all I’m left with is a warm glow. But then other people almost leave a stamp behind, like an energy imprint, weighing on me, seeping into me, and it can take days for me to finally shake it off.
Not to mention the global force of emotions of 2020.
I know that if I’m experiencing all these things then so many, many, many others will be too. So if you’re doing all the right things for you, for your mental health, your spiritual heath, your emotional and physical health but you’re still feeling whacked out or fucked up, take a moment to acknowledge that there might be something outside of yourself at play, that it’s not your ‘fault’, that you’re not doing anything wrong, that you just need to trust, let go, and love yourself even more.
Trust that this will pass. Let go of your expectations. Act with kindness to yourself. And believe in the beautiful new being you are birthing into.
These are strange times, so why not embrace strange things? Why not entertain ideas that you’d never entertain before? Why not believe in things that you can’t see?
I for one am reclaiming my strangeness like never before … and you know what? It feels like coming home.